Today is a new adventure. Well, actually this whole month is a new adventure. Hannah and I are officially moving to the north east. We have decided to move to Vancouver, WA because I will be going to school there and need to gain residency. This is a big move for us and it comes with a lot of challenges.

Currently, I am staying with a friend of mine in Oregon while I look for a job and a place to stay in Vancouver. Hannah is still in Utah where she is working until our contract in our old apartment runs out. (Which is in October) Needless to say, this creates a lot of trials and hurdles to overcome. Although I am here with a wonderful family that I am extremely grateful for, I still do not have my wife to comfort me. I never realized how much she calms me down at the end of the day until I moved here and didn't have her to do it. She really is my reason to come home everyday. I miss her greatly.

On top of that I also have moved here not knowing where we will be living and not having a job. I have to look for a job that will help pay for a place to stay, but I can't get a place to stay until I have a job. In Vancouver you have to provide proof of income before you can get an apartment... For us, this is almost a catch 22. Luckily the family I am staying with is willing to cosign for us. Hopefully that will go through just fine or else we may be staying with them longer then expected...

I have had a few interviews with a few companies and there is one in particular that looks very promising, but there are no defendants yet.

Most people would look at our situation and say "What are you thinking? You had a good, stable job where you were living and was going to school as well. Things where going good. Why are you moving at all??"

To those that think this way I would have to say that, yes, we did have a decent living situation. We were making it by. Basically living from paycheck to paycheck, but it was working and wasn't too stressful. Over all, we were complacent with where we were at...

But I am not looking for complacent. I don't want just mediocre. As a great Switchfoot song goes, I am looking for "More than just okay". Whether you are religious or not, you should understand the meaning of growth and I hope you understand how you achieve that growth. If you settle for just complacent and "Okay" then you will never get further. You will be stuck in the sand trap called mediocrity.

Whether you believe in a God or not you have to have faith to grow. Be it faith in God, yourself, your loved ones, or whatever it is you can trust in, you have to believe. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Hannah and I are suppose to be in Vancouver. I believe. I have faith. And if you can't grasp that than I am not the one you should feel sorry for.

    There has been a ton on my mind lately. Hannah and I are moving to Portland, Oregon. (Or more correctly, that area. We may live in Vancouver.) This is a big life changing event and it has not been an easy decision, and it certainly has not made the last few week easy either. There have been several things floating around my head because of this.

    It has been especially hard because Hannah is having big anxiety attacks. We are not sure if it is due to the decision to move or something else, but it is extremely hard as a husband to see your wife be so worried. On top of that, I feel bad as it is that I am not the breadwinner in the family. I only have a small 8 hour a week job right now and am going to school. Hannah is the one who is working full time and making the money. We have had discussions about this and I know it bothers her that she has to work full time. She is an amazing woman and sticks it out anyway because she knows there is nothing else we can do until I graduate and I really appreciate that. However, it still tugs at my heart to see her sad. Sometimes I feel like I am in a catch-22. I want desperately to provide for my family and that means going to school, but I also desperately want my family to be happy.

    So what is the answer? I don't think it is that easy. There is no quick fix to the complex facets of our lives. We have no manual and the questions our not multiple choice. If we were to look at this situation, and many of the situations in our lives that do not have clear answers, at face value we would be depressed at the thought that we will never find the answer and we are lost. All we need is just a little direction; just a little nudge to get us going, but it would seem that is not possible.

    When you are in these situations, would you not do anything for a little guidance? Just to have someone to talk to is a great blessing and makes you feel better. Now imagine if that person could give you good advice that you can go on. Generally speaking, that doesn't happen. We look all around for the advice and many offer, but ultimately they all fall short and you are left with the full weight of the problem.

Now, let me just say this: There is help provided.

    I have heard it tons of times before. When these situations come they all say the same thing: Trust in the Lord. It's been said time and time again, so why doesn't that help me? Why doesn't he fix my problems? If you are like me then when people tell me that I often roll my eyes and think "Yeah yeah, I know" and don't really take it seriously. Then I try all sorts of things to feel better, maybe even praying or reading scriptures, but I don't really feel better and I think "What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't he help me now??"

    Then, finally, I am humbled and I pray. I TRULY pray. Not the prayer that, although very sincere about getting an answer, was not sincere about BELIEVING he would answer. I hope you can see the difference. Sometimes I get on my knees. Other times I am laying in bed with my eyes closed. My body may not always be in the same position but my heart is. After all my grieving I stumble over my words in trying to say what I am feeling. Sometimes tears begin to flow. Other times I am overcome with joy. I am like a child that desperately wants to talk to his parents about something, but has no idea what to say, but inside I know. I know he understands me and knows the words I can not say.
   
    In this silent prayer I am closer to God then I have ever been, and then it hits me. I feel him. He's here, and I don't want to leave. I am overcome by his joy and his love for me and I don't want to go back to my troubles for I know the moment I say amen it will come flooding back. The world will win, I know it! I plead to him to save me, to make it go away! Then, almost as if he were right in front of me, I feel him smile and I realize.

    He wants to. He wants to SO badly! He wishes he could take all the pain away and make my life easy. It actually hurts him to see me in pain... Just as it hurts me to see my wife in pain... but he is the ultimate parent, and he must teach me. The lessons he teaches me are far far more important then the minor sufferings that I am faced with. He knows that, and it cuts him deeply to know that he can't tell me that. He can only give advice. He will not and can not force me to make the right choice. If he did, how would I learn?

    I understand, and I am grateful. I still don't want to leave his presence, but I know I need to continue my test. i tell him I love him and thank him and I depart.

    I open my eyes and find that I am back in my room. In fact, I never left. I am still moved by his love and I know he will take care of me. I am so grateful and love him with all my heart...

    One month later I am depressed again about something else I can not control and am longing for help. Someone says "Turn to the Lord"... and I roll my eyes...

...Why?

    I have to share something that unnerved me greatly. I saw this picture posted by someone on Facebook the other day and I have to say it offended me. I am not one to get easily offended so this is a curious case for me and I have to say something.
    I do not intend to sound like I know more then others or that my opinion is better. I am simply offering my viewpoint to such a rude image.
    I am indeed a Mormon. (Which is one of the organizations referred to in this picture.) However, I am not trying to backlash at people who do not believe in the same things I do. I am meirly trying to get people to understand the dynamics of that which they claim to know. Whether you are a Mormon, Catholic, Athiest, or any other form of belief, these simple rules still apply.

    Such images like this are a true testament to the ignorance of those that make them. They take one simple aspect of something they do not agree with and try to blow it up to outrageous proportions. In this image they make light of the decorations and splendor these organizations use to show their own devotions to God, and assume that these organizations do nothing is the way of helping people. As stated before, this is true ignorance. "The Mormon Church has donated more than $1 billion in cash and material assistance to 167 different countries in need of humanitarian aid since it started keeping track in 1985. Many of these countries have few to no Mormons, but are also non-Christian." (Mormon.org) That is over $37 Million dollars a year that goes to helping others all around the world. I also know that the Catholics give a substantial amount in way of charity. And these numbers do not include things such as time involved in distributing welfare, people who volunteer their time without compensation, or other factors that can not be simply wrote down on a piece of paper. This image is ignorance at it's purest.
    It is very very true that some organizations have not only used God as a means to get rich (Such as the televangelist picture shown), but have even perverted his message for there own gain. This is why you must look deeper then just appearances. If it were that easy then I would assumed every beggar, middle class, or hell, anyone who doesn't wear Armani suits would go straight to Heaven, but that's not how it works, is it? Just look at Charles Manson. The evidence is in their actions. The Mormon and Catholic churches do more for humanitarian aid then any other organizations. Which is good. It is said that those blessed with money should in turn bless others. Which, In this case, they do. This is not to say they don't have their faults, because they do. ( Even if lead by God, man still has the options to screw things up.) So the question is: are the makers of this image assuming that just because these organizations worship God with slender (Just as they did in biblical times) that makes them bad people or that they are doing something wrong? Indeed, I think those that try to tell others how to worship are the ones at fault.
    As I said before, I am not trying to get people to change their beliefs. If you think they should spend more money then they already do on humanitarian aid, then that's fine, but keep it to yourself. Or if you can't do that at least educate yourself so you know what you are talking about.