Today is a new adventure. Well, actually this whole month is a new adventure. Hannah and I are officially moving to the north east. We have decided to move to Vancouver, WA because I will be going to school there and need to gain residency. This is a big move for us and it comes with a lot of challenges.

Currently, I am staying with a friend of mine in Oregon while I look for a job and a place to stay in Vancouver. Hannah is still in Utah where she is working until our contract in our old apartment runs out. (Which is in October) Needless to say, this creates a lot of trials and hurdles to overcome. Although I am here with a wonderful family that I am extremely grateful for, I still do not have my wife to comfort me. I never realized how much she calms me down at the end of the day until I moved here and didn't have her to do it. She really is my reason to come home everyday. I miss her greatly.

On top of that I also have moved here not knowing where we will be living and not having a job. I have to look for a job that will help pay for a place to stay, but I can't get a place to stay until I have a job. In Vancouver you have to provide proof of income before you can get an apartment... For us, this is almost a catch 22. Luckily the family I am staying with is willing to cosign for us. Hopefully that will go through just fine or else we may be staying with them longer then expected...

I have had a few interviews with a few companies and there is one in particular that looks very promising, but there are no defendants yet.

Most people would look at our situation and say "What are you thinking? You had a good, stable job where you were living and was going to school as well. Things where going good. Why are you moving at all??"

To those that think this way I would have to say that, yes, we did have a decent living situation. We were making it by. Basically living from paycheck to paycheck, but it was working and wasn't too stressful. Over all, we were complacent with where we were at...

But I am not looking for complacent. I don't want just mediocre. As a great Switchfoot song goes, I am looking for "More than just okay". Whether you are religious or not, you should understand the meaning of growth and I hope you understand how you achieve that growth. If you settle for just complacent and "Okay" then you will never get further. You will be stuck in the sand trap called mediocrity.

Whether you believe in a God or not you have to have faith to grow. Be it faith in God, yourself, your loved ones, or whatever it is you can trust in, you have to believe. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Hannah and I are suppose to be in Vancouver. I believe. I have faith. And if you can't grasp that than I am not the one you should feel sorry for.

    There has been a ton on my mind lately. Hannah and I are moving to Portland, Oregon. (Or more correctly, that area. We may live in Vancouver.) This is a big life changing event and it has not been an easy decision, and it certainly has not made the last few week easy either. There have been several things floating around my head because of this.

    It has been especially hard because Hannah is having big anxiety attacks. We are not sure if it is due to the decision to move or something else, but it is extremely hard as a husband to see your wife be so worried. On top of that, I feel bad as it is that I am not the breadwinner in the family. I only have a small 8 hour a week job right now and am going to school. Hannah is the one who is working full time and making the money. We have had discussions about this and I know it bothers her that she has to work full time. She is an amazing woman and sticks it out anyway because she knows there is nothing else we can do until I graduate and I really appreciate that. However, it still tugs at my heart to see her sad. Sometimes I feel like I am in a catch-22. I want desperately to provide for my family and that means going to school, but I also desperately want my family to be happy.

    So what is the answer? I don't think it is that easy. There is no quick fix to the complex facets of our lives. We have no manual and the questions our not multiple choice. If we were to look at this situation, and many of the situations in our lives that do not have clear answers, at face value we would be depressed at the thought that we will never find the answer and we are lost. All we need is just a little direction; just a little nudge to get us going, but it would seem that is not possible.

    When you are in these situations, would you not do anything for a little guidance? Just to have someone to talk to is a great blessing and makes you feel better. Now imagine if that person could give you good advice that you can go on. Generally speaking, that doesn't happen. We look all around for the advice and many offer, but ultimately they all fall short and you are left with the full weight of the problem.

Now, let me just say this: There is help provided.

    I have heard it tons of times before. When these situations come they all say the same thing: Trust in the Lord. It's been said time and time again, so why doesn't that help me? Why doesn't he fix my problems? If you are like me then when people tell me that I often roll my eyes and think "Yeah yeah, I know" and don't really take it seriously. Then I try all sorts of things to feel better, maybe even praying or reading scriptures, but I don't really feel better and I think "What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't he help me now??"

    Then, finally, I am humbled and I pray. I TRULY pray. Not the prayer that, although very sincere about getting an answer, was not sincere about BELIEVING he would answer. I hope you can see the difference. Sometimes I get on my knees. Other times I am laying in bed with my eyes closed. My body may not always be in the same position but my heart is. After all my grieving I stumble over my words in trying to say what I am feeling. Sometimes tears begin to flow. Other times I am overcome with joy. I am like a child that desperately wants to talk to his parents about something, but has no idea what to say, but inside I know. I know he understands me and knows the words I can not say.
   
    In this silent prayer I am closer to God then I have ever been, and then it hits me. I feel him. He's here, and I don't want to leave. I am overcome by his joy and his love for me and I don't want to go back to my troubles for I know the moment I say amen it will come flooding back. The world will win, I know it! I plead to him to save me, to make it go away! Then, almost as if he were right in front of me, I feel him smile and I realize.

    He wants to. He wants to SO badly! He wishes he could take all the pain away and make my life easy. It actually hurts him to see me in pain... Just as it hurts me to see my wife in pain... but he is the ultimate parent, and he must teach me. The lessons he teaches me are far far more important then the minor sufferings that I am faced with. He knows that, and it cuts him deeply to know that he can't tell me that. He can only give advice. He will not and can not force me to make the right choice. If he did, how would I learn?

    I understand, and I am grateful. I still don't want to leave his presence, but I know I need to continue my test. i tell him I love him and thank him and I depart.

    I open my eyes and find that I am back in my room. In fact, I never left. I am still moved by his love and I know he will take care of me. I am so grateful and love him with all my heart...

    One month later I am depressed again about something else I can not control and am longing for help. Someone says "Turn to the Lord"... and I roll my eyes...

...Why?

     This is absolutely tragic, and my heart, prayers, and love goes out to all the victims. First, the news before my comments: Early this morning (July 20, 2012) a man opened fire on a sold out theater in Aurora, Colorado that was showing a midnight viewing of The Dark Knight Rises. According to witnesses the gunman was wearing all black and had a bulletproof vest. He got up during one of the gunfire action scenes, dropped a gas grenade and opened fire, shooting anyone that tried to escape. Police were able to capture the man and identified him as James Holmes, a local resident. 12 are presumed dead with more then 40 injured.

       “It was the deadliest mass shooting in Colorado since the Columbine High School massacre on April 20, 1999. Students Eric Harris, 18, and Dylan Klebold, 17, opened fire at the school in the Denver suburb of Littleton, about 15 miles west of Aurora, killing 12 classmates and a teacher and wounding 26 others before killing themselves in the school's library.” – Taken from MSNBC.com

    For the complete article click here.

    There are plenty of tragic stories of the victims I could share, but honestly, I don’t want to. It saddens me.

    What compels people to do this? What drives a man to the utter brink of sanity then finally pushes them over? Is it the natural psychotic mind of the aggressor, or is it the chaotic environment the man grows up in? To be completely honest, I don’t really care. I have far to much faith in humanity to say that this man, or any others like him, did not have the capacity to overcome any and every obstacle that was placed before him. I have no doubt that this James Holmes had many mental, emotional, and/or environmental problems throughout his life. He may have been beaten as a child, or was born with some ailment, I don’t know, but the fact remains. I honestly believe he could have overcome it.

    Throughout the course of human history tragedy has filled out history books. As we look to the past almost everyone can tell you the hardships and struggles we have had to endure. It is not uncommon at all to turn on the news and learn of tragic and horrific events (Such as this), even happening locally, but there is a subtle truth that lurks behind these events, a truth that should uplift us. These so-called “frequent” events are actually the exception.

    When we look at our everyday life and lifestyle we don’t really see these events much at all. Don’t get me wrong. These events are far too frequent then they should be and can greatly affect those that it does happen to, but think about it. If they were as frequent as we may fear they are then we wouldn’t be surprised if it happened to us, and if we weren’t too surprised then we would not really consider them tragedies. They would just be normal events.

    However, they are not that frequent, and that is a blessing. I have no idea why these things happen. They are wrong and hard to accept that anyone could be pushed to that point. Unfortunately, however, it does. So please keep these people in your prayers.

What does it mean to dream? When I say "Dream" do you think of the inconsistent and sometimes strange images and thoughts you see when you are asleep in your bed? Or do your thoughts turn to the aspirations and fantasies of your heart and what you wish to accomplish? Today I speak of the latter.

We all have dreams and aspirations; of thoughts and desires for a better future of happiness. This is something we all share, but the true wonder of it all is that each and every individual has a completely separate dream than you. Every person you share a passing glance at is on there way to fulfilling their dream. And yes, I mean fulfilling.

There are those of us who have sought out and tried their hardest to obtain their dream only to be met with disaster and heartache. I dare say that every one of us have experienced this to some degree, and we must understand that that is part of the journey. But I do not write this to focus on the bad times.


I wish to reference a film that I find uplifting, passionate, and beautiful. It is an anime called Whisper of the Heart by Hayao Miyazaki. This is an absolutely beautiful story of a child's realization of life and searching out her dreams. there are several amazing lessons to be learned in this film including the message in the Quote "When the afternoon currents mix we can even touch the stars without fear." What a beautiful sentiment. We must remember that our dreams are what fuel us. It is our wishing for a better future that prepares us for the rough patches that are destined to come. We all have a purpose and we must realize that this purpose may not be to be something rich and powerful. It may just be to live a full life with the one you love.

In Whisper of the Heart the young girl Shizuku finds herself slacking off in her studies and always wants to read her stories of fantasy and write her own. She is constantly being ridiculed by her sister and feels the pressure for her to do as she is suppose to. Upon meeting with Seiji, a boy she starts to fall in love with, she realizes that he is already on his way to achieving his dreams and she feels very inadequate; using the phrase "I am just not good enough" often. (which I have caught myself saying as well.) It is obvious that he loves her back, but she is not convinced and is determined to follow her dream and write a story while he is away.

She ends up finishing her story and even shrugs off her schooling even more because she realizes that not everyone has to follow the same guidelines. Unfortunately for her she finds out that her story is no master piece and still needs a lot of work. It isn't until her 'Fall' that she realizes she needs more schooling in order for her to be better at what she wants to do.

Upon Seiji's return she finds out that he is completely ready and willing to help her or even carry her through her struggles if he has to. In one scene Seiji is riding up a steep hill on a bike with Shizuku on the back. When she asks him if she should get off he says "No, I decided I was going to ride up this steep hill carrying you with me."

At which point she reply's "Who said you could decide that? I don't want to be a burden for you. If I'm going with you, I'm going to help you." Then she jumps off the bike and helps push him up.

What a delightful analogy! This is exactly how we should view our relationship with those around us, and especially our spouses! It doesn't matter if it is the man or the woman riding the bike or pushing it up the hill, all that matters is that you are pushing and trying together!

Let us all remember that we are not meant or should face our trials alone. And in the process of achieving our dreams we will face many hard and powerful trials. So with the help of the one you love you can literally achieve anything.